Working at home and using computers and telephones is better

Working at home and using computers and telephones is better than working in office
With the rapid development of society and technologies,there has been remarkable improvement of people’s living standard..Nowadays,people enjoy a higher living standard and some of them even decide to work at home by using all those advanced technologies because they consider this as a better alternative to working merely in office.However,working at home might also cause some inconceivably negative effects on people’s daily life.Therefore,we should not overlook either positive or negative effects of this new idea when judging it.
When it comes to working at home,the most apparent advantage for everyone is convenience!If that’s the case,then we don’t have to waste our time of travelling to the office everyday.We could just sit on our comfortable couch while listening to music and do almost whatever we want without being restricted by those regulations set by the company.There’s no doubt that people are most relaxed and comfortable at home.With such relaxation and satisfaction,the chance of the emergence of inspiration is likely to be enormously enhanced.Furthermore,this way of working definitely reduces our cost since there are no travelling payments any more.For employers,it also reduce the costs of production since they don’t need to pay the rent of the office and the cost of all those equipments.All communications and collaborations are done with the help of the internet,such as video meeting with everyone sitting at their home.
However,every coin has two sides and there’s no exception for home-working.The likely negative effect is the loss or the lack of a sense of community and belonging.Imagine,if you don’t need to go to office any more,what would you think about the world after the first month You would be tired of all those online talking without seeing those people face to face.Since we are emotional humans,it’s our natural instinct to be eager to meet people.If we continue working like this,then the distance between two colleagues,two friends even two lovers is inclined to increase exponentially.We might feel that their hearts are so far away from ours.Working in an office allows people to see each other everyday with a big smile on face.It also promotes communications and understandings which are the most difficult things in today’s world,between people.Our moods are of extreme significance to the quality of work.
In a word,working at home has its own merits and demerits.It’s better for us to choose the most suitable life style for ourselves after considering both sides.After all,the one that fits our selves is the best one.
27分钟写完，个人觉得还不是很好。

只说缺点啊
1 没有例子论证
2 结构性不好 你写的正面反面的比重差不多,如果不是一边倒形式的话,至少应该有重点,就是你是侧重正面还是反面
建议你把 first body paragraph的 Furthermore 后面作为你正面第二观点,变成新的段
再把你的 反面论证段,删一点 这样就好一点了（个人意见!）
楼主也是7月9吧
我也是!
正在构思这文章啊·····
一起加油!